Several weeks ago, a colleague wrote to our group of pastors, “Resolve now that on Sunday October 3rd, you will preach on St. Francis of Assisi – rather than the lectionary Gospel reading from Mark 10.” He wasn’t suggesting anything heretical; October 4th is the annual observance of St. Francis of Assisi as a renewer of the church. In accordance with this feast day, I will be blessing pets here after worship next Sunday.
My colleague was quite aware, as am I, that Jesus’ words on divorce and adultery read in today’s Gospel text are hard to hear, especially for:
- The person whose marriage ended due to infidelity – physical or emotional
- The person who feels trapped in an abusive marital relationship
- The person whose marriage feels as if it is on life support – loveless and draining
- The person who loves and is loved by another of the same gender
I have watched people walk out of worship when this Gospel passage was read – and my heart broke for them. A few of them did not come back for some time. I am certain that some have left church with these words pounding in their heads…and never returned…ever.
Wherever you may be in your life as you hear these difficult words of Jesus, let me state emphatically: God loves you. God does not mean for you to suffer the loss of your person-hood or your peace of mind or your physical or emotional safety in order to avoid divorce. That is not God’s dream for you.
Conservative estimates tell us that intimate partner violence occurs in one out of every four households. And the pandemic along with its consequences has likely driven that number closer to one in three. Abuse or neglect is not God’s dream for anyone. A household wracked by violence has ceased to be one that God has joined together. A relationship devoid of respect or love is not God’s dream for anyone.
We hear a hint of what God’s dream is for humanity in the second account of creation recorded in Genesis 2. Unlike the earlier, first account, we read that God fashioned the human from the dust, blew into his nostrils the breath of life, and placed him in the garden (vv. 7-8). The Lord God went on to create all the beasts of the field and the birds of the air. And after the human gave each its name, the Lord God, in faithfulness to the human, caused him to sleep deeply, took a rib from his side and built it into a woman, to be a sustainer for him (according to the translation rendered by Robert Alter). This one at last, bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh, the man exclaims.
There is a sense of relief, and even delight in these words, for two people have found connection, companionship, and mutual support in one other. This is God’s dream for humanity – but we only need read a few verses into Chapter 3 to watch that dream become a nightmare, as sin drives a wedge between the humans themselves, and between them and God. Never again would the relationship between people be perfect and without blight. Love will be mingled with hate, delight with shame, and tenderness with neglect and pain.
Given this new reality, God intercedes with faithfulness and a way forward. This has almost always been God’s way. In time God draws near to a man named Abram and his wife, Sarai – intent on building a relationship that would, with God’s guidance, result in blessing for the entire world. From their union God brings forth a people. God guides them generation after generation, whether they pay attention to God or not. In time, God gathers them to make a covenant with them – the Way of Life, called the Torah. This covenant commences with the words we call the Ten Commandments, but it includes much more. God gives these words, including the word regarding adultery, to the people as a life-giving way forward – a way to live with God and with one another that promises blessing to them and others as well. It is this way that the Pharisees reference as they test Jesus.
This covenant, and all the covenants God has ever made, are made for the sake of the relationship God wants to have with humanity, and God wants humans to have with each other.
In fact, marriage in that day (and in some cultures to this day) was driven by families desirous of cementing relationship ties for social standing and economic advancement. Families and communities became stronger through these alliances. And in an honor and shame-driven culture, the pressure to hold marriages together was strong, because the economic welfare of the entire community was often at stake.
The Law, as the Torah is often called, must be viewed and interpreted through the lens of relationship, because relationship is the reason for which God has given it. Obedience to this law, walking in this way will bring blessing, God promises, the blessing of life-giving relationships. But the Law could not, by itself, bring forth faithfulness in God’s people.
And so, in Jesus of Nazareth, God chooses enduring relationship as God’s way of being faithful to humanity. In Jesus, God draws near to us by becoming one of us. In Jesus we meet One who knows our weakness and is not ashamed of it. In Jesus we see one who walks the Way through life, death and into new life that we cannot. In Jesus we see God. We hear God. We come to know and trust and love God in a way that we could never have done without Jesus. From Jesus we receive compassion for our failures when we have fallen short of God’s dream for us, and we can develop similar compassion for one another.
When Jesus answers the Pharisees’ question about divorce, he notes that the compassion humans are meant to have for one another is sorely lacking. Then he proceeds to address their question in a way that they likely do not expect. The Law had become patriarchal in its application over the centuries – adultery had come to be interpreted through the lens of a man’s possessions. So only a man was considered to be wronged or injured by the act of adultery, no matter who initiated it. Jesus’ interpretation, through the lens of relationship, recognizes that both men and women suffer injury through the infidelity of a spouse. No one squeaks by unharmed when God’s dream becomes a nightmare.
But neither is anyone beyond the reach of God’s forgiveness and healing grace.
- Some among us have experienced the pain of divorce and have been given the opportunity to find connection, companionship and mutual support in a new relationship.
- Some among us have been blessed to find connection, companionship and mutual support in our relationships, even as we have grown and changed.
- Some of us have found peace and fulfillment as single people.
- All of us have been promised that nothing – not divorce or adultery or anything else in all creation – not even death can separate us from God’s healing, restorative love.
This love of God’s for us offers consolation and hope even when the Way is hard, when earthly relationships break down, when we despair.
O God, when the Word is hard to hear, when the Way is hard to walk – may we remember that it is for relationship that you have created us. May we find peace in the promise that Your relationship with us is eternal and Your commitment to creation everlasting. May our earthly relationships be healed by the forgiveness you daily grant us. May we grow in our capacity to connect and support one another and catch a vision of the dream you have for us.
In the name of Jesus
Amen